His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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