Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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