Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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