We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
God I need to hump something, right now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
