please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
