once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
