i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
