he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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