the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
