I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
