with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
