I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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