The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
