please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
