My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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