So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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