I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
