Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
