I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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