Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
