Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
