I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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