some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
