i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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