If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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