Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
this is an emotional support booty call
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
