i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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