My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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