my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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