I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
