I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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