hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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