Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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