I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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