so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
