He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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