you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
