I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
