Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
