I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I checked into jail on foursquare
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
