ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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