You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
