we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
