we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
