found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
