I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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