I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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