watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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