what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
