my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
